~Doe Zantamata
Throughout life we encounter many things that shape and develop our tapestry's. As we build and grow- the picture becomes more and more interesting like a giant mural gracing a huge wall of a castle. As we observe all the intricacies woven into the tapestry we can see figures who have influenced us, those that have brought great joy to us and those that have been less than charitable in their dealings with us. Then there are those that have inspired us to follow our dreams no matter what and great teachers who have taught us well. We see pictures of places and experiences that have shaped us. All have contributed to the person we are becoming. What we choose to do with negativity is the key to how we evolve. We can choose to slide into victimhood or we can choose to rise above it -a victim or a victor.
Adversity can be the catalyst and opportunity to make ourselves better if we allow it. Choosing to stay stuck in a negative situation isn't always a choice but it is a choice how we deal with it. We can complain, feel annoyed or upset or we can choose to use it as a platform to increase our personal growth and well being and become a better person.
I once heard a woman speaker who was wheelchair bound. She spoke of the adversities she had encountered and had the insight to recognise that had she not "experienced the valleys in life", then she would not have appreciated " the views from the mountain tops". She went on to describe that if all she was able to do was sit and look at the views from the mountain top it would after a time become boring.
In order to have an appreciation and balance to life, we must be prepared to experience life's valleys from time to time.
To know and enjoy the beauty that can grow from the negatives as well as the positives in life we must accept adversity as well as love and joy into our lives.
My own journey has seen a lot of sadness over the last few years and has given rise to much heartache but this for me is a challenge to build, grow and add beauty to my tapestry. I have been challenged about holding onto bitterness and for a while I did. Of course I would not be human if I said I was not affected by the pain and heartache I experienced. It took me a long time to stop feeling anger which stemmed from the pain and hurt I was experiencing. Eventually I came to the point of realising that I could not go on holding onto the things that was causing me pain and resentment. I eventually got to the point of forgiving those that had harmed me. My spirit and heart were drenched in constant pain for several years after the events. Still as the wheel of life continued to drive me forward the pain eased although it was one of those life experiences that changed me forever. Will it ever leave me? I think not but it is what I have chosen to do with that experience that has brought me to where I am at present.
I am reminded of the very wise words of a very wise man:-“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”
― Nelson Mandela
In order to implement forgiveness it requires a total surrender of the heart.
What exactly is forgiveness? It is making a conscious determined action to let go of the wrong done in order to heal from the hurts caused.
The Gospel according to Luke states: If your brother sins rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him; And if he sins against you seven times, saying, "I repent," Forgive him.
Luke Ch17v3
Seven times? That's a lot of times to forgive. I have a sense that its not the number of times but the attitude of forgive, forgive, forgive.
If we say we have forgiven someone then mean it. It does not mean we say we forgive them and have a meanness of spirit afterwards. That's not forgiveness.
Forgiveness transcends human limitations. If we are offended then to forgive is to have a purity of mind, rise above the natural inclination to pay back.
If we don't forgive we are condemning ourselves to a very dark and miserable existence.
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When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
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"Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions."
Gerald Jampolsky
Gerald Jampolsky
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Victimhood
Victims believe that their external world has to change in order for them to be okay. Because a victim is so out of control internally, he/she feels the need to control everyone
else. The victim mentality is one of the deadliest mind sets, because a victim is totally incapable of changing his or her environment. Powerlessness is the process of giving away ownership and empowering someone or something else as your sole decision maker. You
cannot fix something for which you are unwilling to take ownership.
else. The victim mentality is one of the deadliest mind sets, because a victim is totally incapable of changing his or her environment. Powerlessness is the process of giving away ownership and empowering someone or something else as your sole decision maker. You
cannot fix something for which you are unwilling to take ownership.
Kris & Jason Vallotton
“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”
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Serenity and peace can be the jewels that bring calm and meaning to our life. These must be sought like our very breath in order to find meaning to our lives. These are like diamonds that require hard work to bring them to the ultimate beauty they become.
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Some people are put here to test us.... do the dignified thing and walk away. - Samantha Kelly
"Forgiveness.. is to GIVE as BEFORE. Before you were hurt, before you let yourself down, before you 'failed'. True forgiveness is not easy to master.. but don't give up on the process. Forgiveness can set you FREE!
Forgiveness- what it is NOT
Forgiveness- what it is NOT
How are we to conduct ourselves when offended? If we are to forgive someone or some people, then we need to recognise that it is not being a door mat and allowing others to walk away from the harm they have caused. Of course we need to have a pure mind with compassion when forgiving but we also need to address the accountability from the perpetrator. It would be foolish to say to someone we forgive them but don't tell them what we are forgiving them for.
We cannot hold the expectation that all offenders are going to have the grace to apologise for offending against you. Ultimately it comes down to our attitude toward the offending party or parties.
The perpetrator, if willing- needs to acknowledge the wrong done, be prepared to examine his or her heart and accept forgiveness from the offended party. It requires a humility of spirit and self examination that highlights the errors of mind and heart that caused them to inflict pain on another whether deliberately or inadvertently. It requires the culprit to acknowledge and apologise for the harm caused.
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