Children

Bless The Beasts And The Children"

Bless the beasts and the children

For in this world they have no voice

They have no choice

Bless the beasts and the children

For the world can never be

The world they see

Light their way when the darkness surrounds them

And give them love, let it shine all around them

Bless the beasts and the children

Give them shelter from the storm

Keep them safe, keep them warm

Light their way when the darkness surrounds them

And give them love, let it shine all around them

Bless the beasts and the children

Give them shelter from the storm

Keep them safe, keep them warm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGbm8jdQyl4

 

 

 

 

 

Children Learn What They Live By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

The above text is as apt as it was the day it was written. I have no doubt in my mind that our children as well as ourselves are all products of the way we have been brought up with few exceptions and of course there are always exceptions.

On my journey I have witnessed first hand many children who have been raised in the most wonderful way and the end result has shown in the way they become as adults. They are well grounded, mature people who go on to produce great children due to the way they were parented. As the above writings expound - if a child lives with tolerance they learn patience, if they live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect they live with honesty they learn to truthfulness..... Clearly what goes into a child's emotional tank is what fills them and shapes them. Positivity begets positivity.


 Those parents that made time to spend with their children and will be remembered for the time and energy given, for kindnesses shown, for love and patience given and caring, loving discipline. I'm not talking punitively but real constructive boundary forming discipline. A child thrives with boundaries. Those parents imparted loving boundaries. They spent time with their children, they assisted them when they needed help. Those children knew they could depend on their parents in their time of need. Those parents got out of bed in the wee small  hours of the morning to go pick up their kids from a party rather than have them drive or walk home. The children of these sort of parents have the knowledge that their parents are always there for them no matter what. They are safe, they can be trusted and they are always there for their child to support in all areas of life.


On the contrary if a child lives with fear, they learn to be apprehensive, criticism, they learn to condemn In other words negativity begets negativity.

I was deeply concerned to hear a little boy tell me he was afraid of his fathers anger. What message is the boy getting. If his dads anger was such that it invoked fear (and not respect) then something is terribly wrong. What will happen is that child will learn that anger and intimidation creates fear so as he grows up and internalises this message he will use exactly the same tactic as his dad did to get compliance from a spouse, parent or his own children and so the generational cycle continues.

Growing up with domestic violence is one sure predictor that a child is highly unlikely to grow up unscathed. This can be witnessed by their very behaviour. My years of experience working in domestic violence arena gave me an inside picture of the many souls impacted by the effects of growing up in an abusive family. They are the unfortunate products of growing up with domestic violence. Boundaries were not clear. If one of the parents continually abused the other then the child is taught to be the same. Its never conscious. A young man may grow up thinking he would never treat his partner the same way as he saw his Father treating his Mum but sadly all too often  the cycle continues. It will always stay the same unless a crisis occurs and the abusive person makes a choice to get help.


Styles of parenting

There are several different styles of parenting- each having their own impact on the child growing up.

Authoritarian
 Parenting with an authoritarian attitude makes boundaries so tight and unfair that a child is likely to break free from these and get into much trouble. This type of parenting causes much fear and resentment toward the parents. There are hard line rules in this family and if the rules are broken then punishment usually follows. This style is non productive and is  such that the parent never tries to explain the reason for following the rules. The parent demands the child do whatever it is in order to obey the rules without any explanation at a feeling or emotional level -  "just because I said" is the sort of retort a child may receive in response to their questioning of obedience. Children often grow up rebellious toward authority.

Authoritative
Boundaries with good parenting will make a child feel very secure. This type of parenting is authoritative. It requires discipline yet comes with explanation teaching children the necessity of good discipline for themselves and an understanding of the request from the parent. Sometimes the rules are able to be bent a little. The parent is nurturing and loving yet still requires boundaries. Discipline is dispensed with loving care. It is not used with the intention of getting unquestioning obedience but rather to provide the child the wherewithal to grow up to be decent responsible people. 

 
Permissive
Then we have permissive parents who seem to think that letting their children run amuck is ok. Or they simply have no idea how to provide boundaries for their children. Have you ever had children come to your place and run here and there and touch this and that have no regard to any sort of boundaries in other peoples houses. This is because they haven't been taught in their own home so have no idea how to be in other peoples homes.

 I recall an analogy I used often in my work when talking about boundaries. Imagine if you will a whole lot of sheep being dispersed in a town with absolutely no fences to keep them bound in a specific area. The town would be chaotic and shambolic. Cars would hit the animals. They would wander wherever they wanted. Sheep work best when kept within the given boundaries of fences. Now I'm not comparing children to sheep but I am comparing boundaries. Children feel safe and secure with clear and fair boundaries. They are there for their safety. With permissive parenting - children are given a free rein so to speak and are expected to be self regulating. Unfortunately sometimes these children get into trouble as they have no idea of their limitations.


Uninvolved
Those that spent more time busying themselves with their work on the pretext of 'doing it for the family" will most definitely be remembered for their absences. If there was nothing given, then that's what a child remembers. What do your children remember about you? 

Uninvolved parents spend more time on themselves. They may provide the basic needs of food, clothing and shelter but have very little time or input to the child's welfare and happiness. They neglect the child at the expense of having little relationship with that child. There is a lack of nurturing and love. Children from this type of family crave attention and sometimes behave badly at school in order to get any attention rather than none at all.

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Children copy their parents 

I recall in my teens dating a young man whom I witnessed treating his mother in a very disrespectful manner. He and I were about to leave after this altercation when his Mum leaned out the window and cried out to me that "If he treats me like this he will treat you like this as well"......It sure was an eye opener to me.  He learned to treat  her that way because his father had treated his mother that way. Needless to say that relationship didn't last long.

More often than not children copy the style of parenting they have been raised with.

Children who are nourished and loved are the ones that grow into lovely adults who in turn parent their own children in the same manner they were parented. Children are like sponges that absorb everything they see.

 

 

 

 

 

"Greatest Love Of All"

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me

[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

[Chorus]

And if, by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love