I had my life all mapped out. From when I was first married, to having a family to living out the rest of my days with a husband and family and eventually grand children. Life never goes the way one imagines it would but instead sends us off in all manner of directions often feeling like we are not in the driving seat. Today I'm most definitely in the driving seat and feeling very much in charge of my life.
This adventure probably began after the man I loved and was married to for 31 years decided to leave me. I was heartbroken. Yet it was to be a defining point in my life. Little did I know just how much personal growth I was to acquire and what adventure I was about to embark on.
A year after my marriage breakup I met a lovely man with whom I lived for a year, however his love affair with the bottle was to eventually be the catalyst for me moving on. I moved to Hamilton to be near my youngest son Samuel, his wife and family.
After being apart for six months and being lead to believe this man had gained victory over his drinking, I took him back and he moved up to Hamilton to be with me. We bought a house together. Sadly it was less than 3 months before he was back into it again. I was both angry and sad at what felt like yet another betrayal. I was not going to allow myself to go through another round of this. I persevered hoping he would stop but he didn't so I decided I was worth more and ended it this time vowing never to allow myself to be in a position such as this again. Although we still continued on living in the same house I lived as an independent woman, i.e. a flat mate and it is this that has now seen me become stronger, confident and very much my own person.
I joined groups such as ballroom and latin dancing, I took philosophy classes! I socialised and made friends. One of these friends was a wonderful woman by the name of Diana. I met Diana on one of Hamiltons Living streets Spring walks back in 2013. I saw the walk advertised and took myself off on this particular day. I was drawn to Diana as she appeared to be on her own and I thought her an attractive woman. Not in a sexual way but just a really nice person. She was a tall, good looking woman with a refined manner to her. I instantly liked her. More about this later.
When I first moved to Hamilton in February, 2011 I stayed for about three months as a boarder with my dearest friend and confident, Barbs. Barb and husband Ian were so good to me and supported me through yet another life crisis. Good friendships need to be preserved and we both recognised that it was time to move on. After this we mutually agreed I should move on to new accomodation. It was here that the landlady Jenny began telling me about some friends of hers that had gone to the UK to work as carers looking after older, well to do people. The seeds were sown and the idea appealed to me however at this time I shelved it for the security of permanent work in Hamilton.
I found employment in the Mental Health sector in July 2012. Alan moved up in Sept 2012 and we moved into our new house. Things went well for a while and I had hoped this would be a new beginning, but as I said earlier it wasn't very long before my world crumbled yet again when Alan resumed drinking. It got worse as time went on and began to eventually impact on my work. In Feb 2013 I was having trouble concentrating on my job because of what was going on at home. I made a mistake, Then another and it was clear I was teetering on the brink of losing my job. After the usual meetings etc it was clear my life wasn't going well and the end result was I was forced to resign. It's incredible how important it is to maintain ones sense of wellbeing as it impacts on all parts of ones life.
I went through the Summer, then autumn and it was clear Alan's drinking was so bad I could no longer stay in a relationship. He was never violent or abusive per se but living with an alcoholic is sheer Hell. It is a sad, lonely, miserable existence which I would never wish on anyone. I moved from the ' marital bed' so to speak and moved into my own seperate bedroom in April of 2013.
The winter passed and I began living completely independently. It is now Spring 2013 and it is here that the beginning of my adventure was unknowingly about to begin.
As I said earlier my independent living saw me seek out new activities to do in Hamilton to curb the loneliness I felt. I still had my dear friend Barbs but I didn't want to bother her so much so I sought out other sources of friendship and entertainment. I walked heaps, I joined a dance class, I joined Philosophy classes, any sort of interest to keep me sane.
As Diana's and my friendship blossomed I began to learn something about her life. She shared how she had worked for many years as a carer living in the homes of wealthy people and caring for them in their dotage. She said that it was a great way to see the world and save heaps of money.
I had no work in NZ sadly because although I had so much experience, it was clear to me that my years of experience counted for very little when it came to work. Now-a-days employers appear to take on younger people fresh out of studying with no experience at all. Still who could blame them.
Not being a bitter soul I plodded along reasonably happy in my life. Fulfilled? Well not completely as I felt I still had much more living to do. Since my business folded and my marriage ended five years previously I no longer had the financial stability or security that I once shared in my marriage.
I had for some years been aware that only I am the author of my own happiness and I had no right to expect anyone else to provide that for me.
