Sunday, 18 August 2013

Philosophy & Mindfulness









Philosophy




What is philosophy? What does the word philosophy actually mean?  Why study it?
The word philosophy is derived from Ancient Greek; Philo - meaning love, and Sophia- meaning wisdom. The love of wisdom. So Philosophy is the love of wisdom.

So then what is wisdom? The dictionary defines wisdom as 'experience and knowledge together with the power of applying practically'.

Wisdom is intended to make life simpler.

What qualities or virtues would you imagine a wise person to possess? Are wise people intelligent? I would say yes but not all people with intelligence are necessarily wise. There are those with academic knowledge and are smart in their specific field but they may not be wise.

Some responses to the question - what qualities  does a wise person have?
Peace
Calm
Quiet presence
Love
Simplicity
Non judgemental
Truthful
Trustworthy
Honest
Humility
Compassion
Forgiving
Empathy
Present

Wisdom is the ability to make solid judgements and choices based on experience.
Philosophy draws from a wide range of philosophic writings including, Christianity, writings from Plato, eastern and western philosophies, ancient  Indian Upanishads, Bgagavad Gita, Zen and many more areas.

Philosophy seeks to address questions we may have about ourselves. Who am I? What's the meaning of life. Where do I fit into the greater scheme of things. What's my purpose?

                               "I think therefore I am"- Rene Descartes

There is a seeking to know oneself. To be authentic in the world. We want to better ourselves.

So if wisdom is the key to philosophy, how is it applied and lived practically? A key question to ask myself in a given situation; what would a wise woman do here?

 It is in the quest to expand my wisdom and live my life accordingly that I seek answers to these sort of questions.

 What do I want? I wish to live my life more consciously and deliberately.

The question "what would a wise woman / person do here?" has become an underpinning philosophy in life. So far it is working extraordinarily well. It is applicable in all situations of life.

Next is to know myself intimately and be as authentic and real with myself and to others whom I come across in my life. To be more loving, to be more kind both to myself and others. To be more present, to be more mindful of the way I live and love. To live consciously.

What is the practical value in studying philosophy? For me it is about acquiring a practical and valuable set of skills and a way of being that I can apply in my life and create a greater awareness of myself and the way I operate in the world with myself and others.
So where to from here? The older I get the more I realise the importance of living a life of value not only for my sake but for those I come into contact with. I wish to live wisely.

                                                                         



 The next step in applying philosophy practically is to know myself - ask myself who am I?
I am......! I have various facets of who I am such as I am a mother, I am a friend, I am a volunteer, I am a supporter, I am a counsellor, I am a participant, I am an employee, I am a sibling, I am a companion. I am many things but these are states of being in specific circumstances. The bottom line is I AM! Great philosophers over the ages have asked the question; Who am I?- and it is certainly one of the most profound and far reaching questions humanity has asked itself.

 

How can the soul, which misunderstands itself, have a sure idea of other creatures?
                                                                                                                                 Seneca

Shakespeare's quote from Hamlet says:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day
Thou canst not be false to any man


If I am to live philosophy in a practical manner then I am required to do more than just listen to ideas. I need to dig deeper so to speak and apply these ideas to my being so they become fuller and more meaningful into my life.  They need to be evidenced in the way I conduct my life. In order to do this I need to be more observant of the self.

"When something is heard with an open mind and then applied in practise, it becomes possible to see more clearly the truth or lack of truth in what is heard"-
Retrieved from: www.philosophy.school.nz

Acquiring insight provides a foundation of true understanding for me and I can then share with others who are open.

When I am open to others and I suspend internal judgements and labelling through the practice of being still, I am better able to find unity with my fellow man. When I put my discersive mind to the side to give my full attention to another I am far more available to them. It's being able to listen to another without rehearsing in my mind what I'm going to say next.

A daily practice I have is to find a quiet space (twice a day if possible) and sit in a comfortable position. It is a form of meditation.

1. I connect with myself starting with the sense of touch.....Plant my feet firmly on the ground. Feel the weight of my body on the chair. Feel the touch of my clothing on my skin, the air of my face.

2. Sensing taste and smell. What can I smell? What can I taste?

3.Be aware of sight (I choose to close my eyes and see internal shapes and colours) If you keep your eyes open don't label anything, just observe colours and shapes, nothing more. Just be aware.

4.Now be aware of sounds and what you hear. Listen for sounds closest to you within the room. Allow your listening/ hearing to extend further outside. Don't be bothered by sounds you may consider intrusive, just accept these for what they are- noise.

5.Now with your body completely relaxed stay in the present moment, be completely open and just be in the NOW. Stay with your awareness's neither assessing or judging anything just observe. Rest for a few minutes.

This exercise of "being still" is a great way to teach me to just be neither judging or rejecting just being in the NOW. No thoughts of the future or the past just NOW. It is teaching me how to be non judgemental and more observant. 

 

States of consciousness or levels of awareness


  • Higher consciousness- In this state I become at peace with myself, at unity with the world. I just am. My level of awareness is highly tuned. It is elevating my awareness beyond my normal thought processes where I can experience my true nature and potential.
  • Fully awake- I am fully awake and fully aware. In this state I am feeling refreshed and energised.
  • Waking sleep- I have experienced this state many times and is a common state for many of us. This is where I am on auto pilot and I do things mechanically without any awareness of having done something. A classic example recently for me was when I was driving to attend a weekly meeting, and I drove right past the venue and it wasn't till a couple of kilometres later I realised I wasn't even present to the fact I was going to a meeting. The practice of becoming more observant of the self helps overcome this.
  • Dream-A self explanatory state. We sleep, we have dreams, maybe a nightmare  or we have lovely dreams but we awake knowing it was just a dream.
  • Deep sleep-For some going to sleep may be elusive because we are troubled and are allowing the troublesome thoughts to pervade our thinking. Or we may be working out a problem in our heads or a project or a work situation. Sleep is natural and is a time to let go of the thoughts in our head in order to rejuvenate and slip into deep sleep. In this state we do not dream our bodies and minds rest and we awake having knowledge of a good sleep.

Living Justly

Many of us wish to live justly i.e. we wish to live wisely and with justice. It is acknowledged that there is a strong correlation between wisdom and justice.

Plato 347 - 428 BC has many famous dialogues on justice.
He said that when wisdom, or the opinion of the best as he calls it, is the guiding principle for the actions of either individuals or societies, that is a just situation. He went so far as to say that even in a case where someone sincerely seeks to follow what is wise and makes an error, that does not stop it being a just action.School of Philosophy.
 
Justice means living wisely or making the effort to do so. There are certain things that interrupt this and they are what Plato called the 6 tyrants of the soul. Such things as anger and fear tyrannise the soul.
 
Plato Law 864 says that we may have a passing anger, have pleasures and pain etc. and of themselves are not necessarily unjust in themselves. It becomes unjust when we allow these things to dominate our soul thus causing one to lose their own free will and volition. This may be from the individual, a society or a nation. Loss of freedom becomes an injustice. This will be evident in the form of actions and becomes a condition of the heart.

Six tyrannies of the soul
 
Plato named the following six tyrants as things that tyrannise the soul.

1.Anger
2.Fear
3.Jealousy
4.Desire
5.Pleasure
6.Pain

A wise person seeks to be free of the dominion of these tyrannies of the soul and live justly. A wise person ceases to be driven by these six tyrants and instead lives a more balanced and measured life  thus being more free.

When we go about our daily life and we find ourselves being hooked into a situation that causes us to  feel some of the above tyrants in our soul, we, with practice can learn to be more observing rather than being a participant. We may ask ourselves; "for what am I giving up my peace of mind?......." Observation and being present in the moment  will help us maintain a far more peaceful way of being.


The Three- Fold Energy
In our daily lives we have all sorts of varying circumstances that occur. Each day may be different to another.The quality of these can be consistent when operating from a wise persons perspective.

 In the previous section I discussed Plato's tyrannies of the soul. A wise person can recognise these and begin to live in a more balanced and measured way giving less domination of the tyrannies by recognising these and working  appropriately when faced with them. Sometimes it is easier than others to be connected and present. Other times seem more difficult such as when we have something that is worrying us.

When we have a greater awareness of the inner being we can become more aware of the externals that can cause an imbalance of the soul.

There are three different levels of energies which operate throughout our daily lives and unless measured will cause that imbalance to arise within us. The three-fold model known as the "Guna" model comes from the Indian tradition called the Vedic system, from the text of the Bhagavad Gita. The word Guna comes from Sanskrit  meaning force or energy. It also means it is part of a whole. The three fundamental energies from the Guna model are:

Broadly translated these mean;

1.Sattva- illuminates, sustains and nourishes, conscious, light, clarity, understanding, peace and stillness

2.Rajas-movement, creative force, change, power of locomotion, drive, growth and activity

3.Tamas- regulates, holds form, inertia, dissolution, discipline, brings to rest- extract from School of Philosophy

These are present most of the time but there is largely one energy more predominant than another at any given time. Sattva and Tamas are more prevalent at Dawn and Dusk. Tamas when the close of day occurs and things are beginning to quieten down. During the day when we go about our daily activities then Rajas is more present and we go about our day oscillating between Sattva and Tamas. 

It is a necessity to be aware of the busyness of the day during our work and take time to be present and maintain a good balance of all these energies. In order to increase Sattva we need to use the exercise of stopping and pausing  at the end of each activity and becoming aware of our five senses. Sort of like a full stop.
 I like to take a deep breath, focus on the five senses briefly, then move on purposefully and mindfully to the next activity.
 
The Light of Reason
 
The power of reason- The wise man  knows how to use the power of reason. It can be defined as the faculty of mind which is used to know what is true and right. Philosophy Part 1, School of philosophy
 
What is reason? A group of people were asked this question and the following thoughts were given:
  • Balanced thinking
  • The thought behind an action
  • Reasonable (fair)
  • Purpose
  • Pure
  • Royal
  • Regal
  • Gives explanation


Shakespeare refers to it as "noble and most sovereign reason". Is that how you would describe it?

The power of reason can be misused as a way to justify doing something that we intuitively know is not right or a way of excusing selfish or petty behaviour.
We can be extraordinarily clever in dreaming up reasons to make something which is wrong-right. As an individual it is reasonable to ask myself- what is true or right for me? When I do this I am figuring out what is the best course of action or thought for me i.e. What would a wise person do here?

 Without consideration of this question I can potentially put myself in a dangerous place of reasoning or rationalising what is good for me as an individual but not good for those around me. The obvious problem with this is that I don't consider the implications on those around me. What about my partner? What about my children? What about my work colleagues and so on.

Circle of reason

Imagine yourself at the very core of a circle, Imagine yourself as the proverbial stone being thrown into the millpond. It has ripple effects firstly on me, then continuing the ripples to my family, my friends, my colleagues, society, humanity, the world. At first we may consider the questions at the beginning level i.e. me or my family. The questions may not seem relevant at the greater level, but it is still worth asking yourself the question.

When starting to practise this line of reasoning, we begin to realise the greater impact or result at a greater level. When we begin to consider the impact or results beginning at the personal level, we see the potential for far reaching results  and the realisation we live in a larger world.
 Like the mill pond ripples, making a decision at the individual level benefits the family, families serve our societies, societies contribute positively to humanity and humanity would care for our whole world, which ultimately brings benefit to all.


The concept appears very simple but putting it into practise takes on a whole new ball game. We hold onto what is known or familiar to us, afraid to let go. On a daily basis we play different roles, sometimes changing at great speed. We may be the work colleague, the parent, the father, the sister, the brother, partner, the boss or any number of relationships.

So then we begin to wonder what is constant in all of this? This is the Self and is why Self knowledge is the most important of all knowledge. If we don't have this knowledge we may become confused and complexity is endless.

When we doubt ourselves, that doubt is reflected everywhere and in everything. On the other hand with Self knowledge, we can live in confidence, with clarity and courage and able to play our parts in the great play of life.

                                                  "All the world's a stage,
                                                   And all the men and women merely players;
                                                  They have their exits and their entrances,
                                                  And one man in his time plays many parts,"

                                                                                         William Shakespeare
                        


We can walk confidently between the relevant spheres of life with fluidity and ease with no fear of losing ourselves. In order to become what we are, we must step out of what we are not.


So again coming back to the question of what is constant in all of this? Since we play many roles, we need to find out what is constant. What is constant??? Once we realise and have self knowledge of who we are, i.e I AM...... then our confidence in living our lives brings clarification.

A great Indian philosopher- Shankara was adamant when he taught that reason is to be used to free ourselves from any false limitations. He says that reason is the ability "to discern the transient from the eternal, the changing from the unchanging". We are not this transient role and we are not this changing feeling that overwhelms us.

Have you ever caught yourself being different around different people? Sort of like putting on a mask. We become the person we think that the other wants us to be, what masks, costumes, mannerisms do we adopt? Do we speak in the same way, or accents of speech? Do we use terminology that we think would impress the other?

Think about the roles you play from day to day and when in different scenarios. Are you being true to yourself? Are you being real?

Shakespeares character Polonious from his play Hamlet says:

"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!"



Being real with yourself is to be true to yourself and others. If you are seeking to live a good and pure life then you cannot pretend to be making lifestyle changes that the world sees yet when you are alone or behind closed doors you still think, act and live in another manner unbecoming to goodness. 
I have known so called "Christian" families to be going to church regularly, yet behind closed doors  the family are being subjected to violence and abuse. To all the world they appear good. Only they know things are not as they seem.

It means that in all areas of your life you live with practises that bear good fruit. Wrong living needs to be right living. For example; be happy and content in a simple life. Constant striving and ambition, too much work, taking on too much responsibility beyond yourself, makes for an anxious,  worry filled and stressful life. Decide the sort of people you allow into your life. Those that fit with your philosophy on life. Simplify your life as much as you can.

Violence is  non conducive to living in realness or truth to yourself or others. You have to be non aggressive, non abusive, non judgemental and non critical toward other people. Don't use name calling or put downs toward yourself, family or any other person.  Your speech is indicative of the thoughts inside your head. A violent or abusive person can never know peace of mind.  A peaceful person is kind, thoughtful to all including nature and animals. This person exhibits attributes such as love, joy, peace patience, kindness, gentleness and self control. They show compassion and a spirit of helpfulness, they show understanding and tolerance as much as practicable or possible.

Another way of being true to yourself is to honour yourself in a manner that takes care of your physical body. If my body is like a vessel that carries my essence, I am responsible to look after it. It's like having a car and driving it without ever doing any maintenance on it or doing the necessary work to keep it in tip top shape. That means eating well and exercising regularly as well as taking care of the spiritual dimension of your life. 




                                             




      


                                                                      
Mindfulness


Mindfulness- attending to the present moment.

What is mindfulness? The easiest way to define mindfulness is that it is basically a practise of giving full focused  attention to what it is we are doing, knowing exactly where our attention is  and choosing where to direct it. It is focussing on being present in that moment.

We have two dimensions of awareness of our life. We can recall the past and think about our lives then, and we dream or imagine the future  and the times to come. Then we have the present moment, the NOW. When we are focussing on the present moment, we are being more observant and more in tune with situations of life. We are awake to the present needs.
 
Typically for many of us we operate on auto pilot. It is not any easy matter, to live moment by moment but it can be an on going state of consciousness the more it is practised.
 
We get caught up in the daily affairs of life being trapped at times by thoughts and daydreams thus obscuring our contact with our surrounds and ourselves. We fail to live mindfully and presently. Even doing such tasks as eating, showering, doing chores etc. can be  opportunities to practice living mindfully. After each situation, tell yourself to stop, pause and savour each moment.

Many of us would imagine that day dreaming about pleasant things is an activity that would make us happy. A recent Harvard study, found that simply paying attention to what we are doing makes us happiest. Hassed. Dr Craig et al (2012) Mindfulness for Life.



When practising mindfulness I am focussing on living in the present. I am practising being in the now, the present moment. You are noticing yourself and how you are being right now. What is in your heart, what attributes are you focussing on giving. Is it love, is it kindness, is it charitable? If not what needs to change within you?
 
"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge." (Oneness With All Life)
 

     
"The joy of being is the joy of being conscious." (Oneness With All Life)


Don't cry over the past, it's gone. Don't stress about the future, it hasn't arrived. Live in the present and make it beautiful.
“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” 
― 
Thich Nhat Hanh,    



Chenrezig Tibetan Temple Sunshine Coast Hinterland, Queensland, Australia


We cannot be happy in the future or the past and all we have is now so why don't we make the most of focussing on the present moment. To always live in the past is destructive. "I should of done this or I should have done that" or "I wish I'd done....."  are in fact phrases that doom us to live in a nebulous place. All we have is the present moment of NOW. Focussing on the positives with gratitude and thankfulness are key attitudes that reinforce our sense of wellbeing. If all else is falling around us  and we look for the positives we will find them.

Two elements are necessary when we are being mindful:

1. It is something we are intentional about. We are deliberately and consciously doing something.
2. We are accepting something on face value rather than making a judgement about it.

To be mindful is of great benefit to our wellbeing.
                                                 






"The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again." (Oneness With All Life)
 Eckhart Tolle.

       
                                            






Thursday, 4 July 2013

Food and Cooking

2/07/2013

Cheesemaking


I have been interested in cheese making for several months now. After researching and watching You tube demo's I figured it would be pretty easy. What I have discovered is that it can be super easy or as complicated as you want, depending on how sophisticated you wish to be with your cheese making. I learned that there are cheese making kits with all the paraphernalia to make all sorts of cheeses or one can use the most basic ingredients found in most kitchens. As I didn't have all the specialised paraphernalia, I opted for a basic do-it yourself and I was extremely pleased with the results.


My first attempt at Cheese making.

So here's how I made it: I took a 3 litres of blue top milk. I put it on the heat and stirred it gently to stop it from forming a skin or sticking to the bottom. When I saw small bubbles beginning to form around the sides and steam beginning to rise, I put the juice of 1 1/2 lemons into the milk with a little white vinegar, and a squirt of Renco. Actually I don't think all three ingredients were needed but I put them all in to cover all my bases. The milk becomes quite lumpy then I tipped the contents of the saucepan onto cheesecloth draped over a colander sat over a bowl. Once all the liquid has drained off set the curds into a bowl and add quite a lot of salt more than you think you would need. I think I would almost add 3-4 tsps. next time as I added a big tsp but I don't think it was enough. When the salt has been mixed in well, pack all the salted curds into a bowl and refrigerate for a while, then turn onto a plate. I was thrilled with the results. Wonderful on fresh crusty bread or crackers.

~~~~*******~~~~
 
 
 
 



Friday, 28 June 2013

Personality Disorders

Personality Disorders





One of my many interests is psychology and in particular personality disorders.

Before I continue - I wish to make it transparently clear I am not an expert on personality disorders merely a person with a curiosity about the intricacies of human nature and behaviour. I make no claims to specific expertise other than an interest in how and why people are the way they are. I studied psychology and gleaned much knowledge from the actual work I did in violence prevention and latterly my work in mental health.

Personality is one’s set of stable, predictable emotional and behavioural traits. Personality disorders involve deeply ingrained, inflexible patterns of relating to others that are maladaptive and cause significant impairment in social or occupational functioning.

The disorders include marked limitations in problem solving and low stress tolerance.

 Patients with personality disorders lack insight about their problems; their symptoms are either ego-syntonic or viewed as immutable. They have a rigid view of themselves and others and around their fixed patterns have little insight. Patients with personality disorders
are vulnerable to developing symptoms of Axis I disorders during stress. Retrieved from
 
 
Most people will have knowingly or unknowingly met a person with a personality disorder.
 
I have worked and lived with abusive people and am always interested in what drives them. What beliefs do they hold?
What sort of environment have they been brought up in, what experiences in life have impacted on them to create the persons they are today? Do they have a personality disorder or are they a product of their family of origin? What separates a person with a personality disorder from a person who is abusive? 

There is a checklist to establish if a person has a personality disorder. The following is a general description according to the DSM 5. The DSM 5 is a manual put together by the APA (American Psychiatric Association);

The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits. To diagnose a personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:

  1. Significant impairments in self (identity or self-direction) and interpersonal (empathy or intimacy) functioning.

  2. One or more pathological personality trait domains or trait facets.

  3. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual‟s personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.

  4. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual‟s personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual‟s developmental stage or socio- cultural environment.

  5. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual‟s personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).

 
 Are people capable of changing certain behaviours in themselves? if not then why not? Those that can change i.e. develop insight, have made significant personal growth and development and have gone on to better themselves. The fact that some people can make behavioural changes would be a likely indication that they don't have a personality disorder.

Some have gotten worse and drift through life with a trail of negative history and consequences wherever they go blaming and citing others for their problems and not themselves. They take no responsibility for their actions. Some have insight, some haven't. Some develop empathy and some don't. The ones that don't have empathy are the ones to be concerned about. This often indicates a personality disorder. 
 
Many people have odd tendencies and quirks; these are not pathological unless they cause
significant distress or impairment in daily functioning. Retrieved from:http://www.mhprofessional.come
  
 
Then there are other people who just seem to go through life and largely appear to travel along on their journey in mediocrity. No significant bad things have happened to them, nor significant good things. Why is this...........?
 
 
************
  
Lack of Empathy



Narcissists' Lack of Empathy Detected in Brain Scans | Empathy and Compassion | Scoop.it

 Narcissists' Lack of Empathy Detected in Brain Scans http://sco.lt/7yfVpJ "Researchers found structural abnormalities in the brains of individuals with narcissistic personality disorder... People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, which is characterized by extreme arrogance and self-absorption, have structural abnormalities in a region of the brain that has been linked to empathy, new study finds.
Researchers used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to scan the brains of 34 people, including 17 individuals who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, and found that pathological narcissists have less grey matter in a part of the cerebral cortex called the left anterior insula. "
by Denise Chow
livescience.com



Psychopaths

Most people know very little about psychopaths or if they do they think of them in terms of violent killers or murderers.

The reality is that many psychopaths live and work amongst us and we don't realise it. What we may know of these people is that they can function quite well however they have a crazy ability to ride slipshod over others without even a backward glance. They are often known for their erratic, reprehensible, incomprehensible behaviour. They can be bullies both at home and in the workplace. They can cause trouble and cunningly turn it around to make their accusers look like the troublemakers. They can be excruciatingly cruel. This is because of their intrinsic lack of empathy. Although they may give the appearance of being social they are intrinsically solipsistic by nature. 

I once had the misfortune to meet a woman, who caused a great deal of strife for those she had anything to do with- myself included. At first she seemed so competent and intelligent however as time went on she was more like a seductive temptress. Yet to the untrained observer she was seemingly amazing and attractive.  She of course made sure that the world knew she was amazing and wonderful. She would even tell you herself how marvellous she was. Such was her unbridled narcissistic view of herself. She had an amazing ability to gather people around her as fly beguiled by a Venus flytrap.  Yes she was beguiling. I instantly liked her however it was only after my second meeting with her she began to show her true colours. Such was her "charm". Yes they are charmers to the highest degree. A typical description as given by the DSM IV:

  • Grandiose sense of self worth
  • Glib /superficial charm
  • Pathological lying
  • Cunning and manipulative
  • Lack of remorse or guilt
  • Emotionally shallow
  • Callous/ lack of empathy
  • Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
  • Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
  • Parasitic lifestyle
  • Lack of realistic, long-term goals
  • Impulsivity
  • Irresponsibility
  • Poor behavioural controls
  • Early behavioural problems
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Revocation of conditional release
  • Criminal versatility


One of the significant observable features about the woman I met- and common amongst these sort of people, was that she left  a trail of broken relationships in her wake both in her personal life and business relationships. She would speak the most outrageous things in public where most would have the social decorum to guard their lips. She had no qualms about making inappropriate sexual comments in a public or business setting and had no sense of embarrassment or impropriety. Yet she was convincingly plausible. She could promote herself and  present to the world a very palatable acceptable façade. She had no real business qualifications, yet she managed to get herself into business settings and promote herself. She beguiled her way into the inner sanctum of  businesses she worked with. To those that knew her and had negative dealings with her she became their bête noire, their anathema.

She was sexually inappropriate in public, giving rise to my suspicions she may have had an influence of Histrionic personality disorder.

Histrionic Personality Disorder 

Wikipedia describes it in the following:
HPD lies in the dramatic cluster of personality disorders.[3] People with HPD have a high need for attention, make loud and inappropriate appearances, exaggerate their behaviors and emotions, and crave stimulation.[3] They may exhibit sexually provocative behavior, express strong emotions with an impressionistic style, and can be easily influenced by others. Associated features include egocentrism, self-indulgence, continuous longing for appreciation, and persistent manipulative behavior to achieve their own needs.
Retrieved from www.wikipedia.org

Yes she was loud, and inappropriate as I have already mentioned.One of her other infamous qualities was her cunning ability to bifurcate colleagues, friends, partners and many others. We later met people whom she dared call friends that she had fallen out with after using of them for her own ends. She used them until they were not useful anymore then spat them out when they no longer served her selfish wants and needs. I was just one of her many casualties. Initially they seemed like committed friends, then we found out she had been less than loyal to these people who had been more than generous to her yet she had treated them less that respectfully. 

It was only retrospectively after having some extremely negative interactions with her that I began to suspect she was a psychopath even though I was unqualified to make this diagnosis. She certainly appeared to tick all the boxes of one. She once told us that she "scripted everything" she said as she told us that she didn't actually know what was appropriate so she learned how to interact in the world by watching others and learning what to say. She was charming, had what I believe to be a false sense of grandiosity and clearly lacked empathy.

I began researching and came across personality disorders. She appeared to fit somewhere between a narcissist and a psychopath. Unfortunately they are difficult to diagnose because they rarely seek out help. They don't see themselves as having a problem. They only see others as having the problem even though their history is littered with casualties from their actions and behaviour.

Having been on the receiving end of her behaviour, gave me some- (albeit limited) insight into why she was like she was. There is still speculation whether a psychopath is born or made. It appears that one fact remains and that is they are hardwired.

Her life was as she told it a history of growing up in domestically  violent household. Her father apparently was abusive and violent to her mother and she lived on a knife edge often calling police as a young girl to intervene in her parents domestic situation. Perhaps the agony of growing up in a violent insecure environment had affected her to the point that she was precluded from learning what was normal and what wasn't. Therefore she acted out of a limited capacity to have what most would see as a  normal social schema which sadly caused her trouble throughout her life.

Musings, Wonderings and Random Thoughts



What I share in this post are musings, thoughts and introspection. I enjoy poetry and if i find a poem I like I will share it.
This is a work in progress and will be added to as I see fit.
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Sometimes a poem expresses the beauty and wonderment in life. Other times it purges the innermost pain the writer is experiencing. Memories, thoughts, experiences, love, happiness, pain, caring- so many things that can be expressed in a poem.


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Friendship
What is a true friend? A true friend says what they think their friend needs to hear even when they know that their friend may get angry. A true friend doesn't leave because they are afraid to be with you. A true friend doesn't leave when the fun stops and things get uncomfortable These are just of few of the values that real friends hold dear. In short, A true friend recognizes the value of the friendship and holds it sacred
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The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life.
Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.
Bach, R. - Illusions
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Family isn't always blood, it's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.
   

  
Throughout life I have encountered hundreds of people whom I've had friendships with. 

Out of the hundreds I can count on one hand the truest deepest friendships I have are those that I can always count on and they can always count on me. There is a mutual unspoken agreement  that each has your back covered no matter what. Its the person you can have a laugh about the funny things in life, you have a common humour, giggle about silly things, wear a funny hat, you can hangout together chatting about all manner of topics, go shopping together, share recipes, secrets, discuss the deeper things that you cant discuss with anyone else. Its that one person you can cry on their shoulder, ask their opinion, get an objective perspective. Many qualities are necessary for a good friendship, including honesty, trustworthiness, loyalty and unconditional acceptance. Having a special friend is like gold. I value those few close friends I have like precious diamonds.




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On judging others

                                    
Judging another without all the facts is a form of bullying.  It is a violation of another human being. It can have dire and serious consequences. With judgments comes assumptions, innuendos, self righteousness and false attacks based on what the person judging believes rather than what the reality is. One of the things that occurs with judgments is that it gathers momentum like the snowball affect. Once it starts rolling the judgements get bigger. Like a small ember in a fire- when fanned it turns into a raging fire and the impact on the person being judged is devastating. The judgement of the person making them says more about them than the person they are judging.


It is one thing to state factual known information or ones reality but quite another to make an assumption or comment based on what you think or believe is reality. When you are busy judging another you are showing a lack of love, kindness or compassion because you really don't know what is truly going on until you have actually walked in the shoes of the person you are judging. You have no right to judge another because we have no idea of the depth of their situation. The only judgements you  can make are to decide what action you will take for your higher good or for a person who is incapable of making decisions.

I love the acronym:
T-  Is it thoughtful?
H - Is it honest?
I  -  Is it intelligent?
N - Is it necessary?
K-  Is it kind?





Matthew 7:1-5                    


 
   Because those who judge others believe themselves to be faultless, it is inevitable that when they are in conflict with the world they will invariably perceive it is because the world is at fault. Since they deny their own faults, they  perceive others as having fault but not themselves. They project their own judgments to the world. They attack others instead of facing their own failures and faults. They are in effect falling prey to victimhood.
      
Continually making judgements about others without any good reason is a form of gossip.
No one has the right to do wrong even if wrong has been done to them- Mans Search for Meaning- Viktor Frankl
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 Poems

I love this poem.
IF.....


IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipliing


 
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MISSY 

Wondering...........
I wonder if animals have feelings and emotions like humans?

On the 10th July, 2013, my darling cat Missy passed away. Missy was a gift to me and I absolutely loved her to bits. She was given to me at a time when I was going through some pretty rough times and needed a little companion.

 She's been through a lot with me and has been a constant in my life. Through thick and thin, good times and bad. But sadly we usually outlive our fur baby's. Missy was 9 years old. Her kidneys began to fail her and she got really sick so I had to have her put down. I was so sad. Seemed so unfair that she died at 9. I really thought she would have lasted a bit longer than that but it was not meant to be.

Missy 2004- 10th July 2013 R.I.P my darling baby.

What Id like to know is- do cats feel sad, happy. Do they experience emotions? Well do any animals experience emotions for that matter? I have to say, I believe they do.

 In my household there are two cats- well only one now. Maggie and Missy are both Ragdoll cats. This particular breed is known for their wonderful companionship. 
Due to the nature of her Rag-doll breed she was a very loyal companion. Whenever I would go away, she would always be at the door waiting to greet me when I arrived home. I could not go anywhere in the house without my little shadow. If I took a shower or a bath, she would make herself comfortable on my dressing gown on the floor until I had finished. If I went to the bathroom, she would sit outside the door waiting.  Coming home was always a special time because I could always guarantee I would have a welcoming committee.
Missy would spend very little time away from my side . Whenever I went outside she would follow me. If I sat down to watch TV she would be right next to me on the couch and come bedtime, she would toddle behind me to bed. I taught her to scratch her scratching pole on command and she appeared to know what I said to her. In short she was a very faithful loving companion. She was a cat version of a dog.  She even enjoyed going for a ride in the car from time to time. She would become upset whenever I left her. One day I went outside to hang out my washing. My Mum was staying with us at the time. When I came back inside again my Mum said how much racket Missy had made when she couldn't follow me outside. Such was her loyalty and desire to be with me.

She lived a good part of her life in the country. 

Not long after I got her she disappeared. I was sick with worry as she had always been close by. It was not like her at all. My husband at the time decided in his wisdom to go walking in the fields that surrounded our home. It was about a kilometre away we could hear her loud meowing so we walked quickly toward the sound. We eventually found her in a thicket of blackberry. I was so relieved I cried.

She didn't really disappear again although one morning I was surprised to find she hadn't slept on the bed all night. I arose and went looking for her and she had climbed a very tall tree outside our bedroom window and had become stuck. My worry was such that I arose at 5am that morning and upon calling her name she replied back with a plaintiff meow.  I heard her calling from above and looked up to see she was clinging  with fear onto the trunk of the very tall Matsudana Willow outside our bedroom window. Still in my dressing gown I got a ladder  I called out to my husband to help get her down. He awoke groggily and came downstairs to rescue her. That was one of her adventures up a tree.

The day I brought Missy back from the vets in her "coffin" I laid her in state on the couch in her favourite sleeping place.
Maggie came to pay her respects and I'm certain she was upset because all of the next day after we buried her she was very quiet, slept all day and was certainly not her usual spritely self.




Maggie pays her last respects to her little friend Missy 



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Grieving.................

 

As you can imagine I was sad to lose my darling companion but something really strange has occurred to me. I cried when I picked her up from the vet after she had been euthanized. I cried a little the next day after I buried her. But weirdly it hasn't impacted me as I thought it would. I wasn't overwhelmed or racked with grief as I imagined I would be. I slept well the night after I buried her and I haven't cried since. Its as if she's still around yet I know she's not. Last night I pulled out her little silver diamanté studded collar with the little pink heart shape disk with her name written in a beautiful elegant font. I held it in my hand and was sad for a brief moment and then I wasn't. All of this has been a bit of a puzzle. How come I'm not enveloped in grief? How come I don't look at her usual place on the couch and feel upset because she's not there? I adored her. Why do I not awake saddened because she's not on the end of my bed? Its been quite puzzling to me really.

 I have a theory. I know I'm not a cold hearted person that didn't care for her. I've been a cat lover all my life. She was an insightful, thoughtful, loving gift to me after a significant trauma to me in 2003 where I suffered Post Traumatic Stress disorder. As a gift to me- she was the catalyst for helping me get through one of the very sad times in my life. 

 My theory - and it was confirmed by a friend who also studied psychology- that its because I have experienced much greater pain than losing my beloved fur baby. The pain of losing her was not as great as the pain and suffering I had at other significant losses and trauma in my life. In fact I've had a raft of losses in my life and now its at the point I'm almost numb to pain. Its as if I have reached a threshold of heartache and pain and my mind and body cannot take anymore so it has switched off.........The human psyche is masterful in its protection of human suffering. Its no wonder children who were sexually abused or suffered some other significant trauma somehow manage to relegate their suffering and pain to the dungeons of their mind. I can truly appreciate another who has experience trauma and has appeared to cope just because of this process.

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